Beardtown, Usa

At an elevation of over 8000 ft, you can almost touch God, if only on your tippy toes.


Big Bear is beautiful. After the snow storm they had last week, the snow is waist high, with walls of it even higher where the snow plows have pushed it aside so that civilization can continue. All of the houses have a solid foot of packed snow on the roofs, and icicles hanging down several feet from every ledge.
I feel much closer to Thomas Kincaide. I can recognize the other tourists because we are the ones driving 7 mph, out of respect for the black ice, and looking out the windows "ooh-ing and ah-ing" at the snow. Ah, water in it's most famous form. What's crazy is this is the first time I have really seen it.

I am staying with Jon Vasquez's family. Their house is almost like a rustic cabin. They have a guest room with a big comfy bed that I get to stay in. It's incredible, and I have never slept better than I did in the chilly house, fireplace roaring through the night, soft snow like pillows surrounding the house.

Everybody keeps their cars and houses unlocked around here. It's more old fashioned than I thought it would be. So far I love it! I'm at a snow covered Starbucks, next to a fireplace just enjoying my laptop, Bon Iver in my ears and Donald Miller's adventure book, "A million Miles in a thousand years" in my hands. It's all about the idea of story, and how our stories mix and are formed from God's story. It's making me anxious for my Great Adventure.


I wish the weather was worse in San Diego. Bad weather gives you good inspiration. Bad weather makes your features feel new. Bad weather makes the tobacco in your pipe taste more flavorful.



I really enjoyed Jon's church. He and his sister Tiffani lead worship for a Calvary Chapel congregation up here. I like the simplicity of the service, the honesty of the people, and the beards. It was strange that while we sang to God during worship, they remained seated, some singing, some just reflecting on God, and the words on the screen. It was different.
At the end of the service they had a chance to raise their hands and ask questions or make comments. It seemed that what they were saying most was "ok. let's get out and apply this." It wasn't hyper spiritual, yet didn't lack intimacy.

I got mistaken for a girl today. Not exactly the boost of confidence I needed. A lady and her mother were waiving me forward in line at Kmart, when the older lady got confused. Her daughter pointed directly at me (as if she knew I would deny it later) and said loud enough for her mother, the checkers, and their mothers to hear, "I'm letting this nice young lady go ahead of me".

"Uhhhhhh", I growled, looking sheepishly down at my chucks.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I am afraid I don't have my glasses on..." she drifted off mumbling, obviously wondering how to repair this awkward situation.

I decided to credit the manliness of the Big Bearian women, rather than to question my own masculinity/femininity. I shrugged it off, smiling and saying, "No problem maam, it's my own fault for shaving this week."

Despite that hiccup, leaving this place is going to be a lot more difficult than I thought. Probably harder than staying upright on a snowboard. Falling down was inevitable, and so is the drive home tomorrow.

I will be posting a blog soon about the characters of Big Bear.

Here is a link to a video of the trip, and some more pictures-


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh02KG80Jug

Stymie

To my best friend, Kyle Lobe.

You are a great friend. Ever since 8th grade we have run in the same circles. I don't imagine that will stay the same in the next few years, with you getting married, and with me moving around for a little while. So I wanted to take a moment to thank you, and list some of my favorite times with you. (Ya, I know it's kinda gay)


I am thankful that you didn't kill me that time that I hit you with the tennis ball as hard as I could at the courts by my parents place.

Random conquests of ours:
1. Starting, and operating a business together for a year (or longer?) when we were 14 and 15.
2. Eradicating the rodents and amphibians from my grandma's bomb shelter just to poison ourselves with gopher TNT.
3. Getting my truck unstuck from the Valdez's when I drove over a rock and my differential was suspending my back wheels off of the ground.
4. Writing "Whitewater" and playing it for the guitar concert at West Hills and being heroes for a day.

5. Starting the homeless ministry and meeting Art and Bobby and those guys.
6. Serving at Sonrise, playing music, and leading the guys towards Jesus the best we knew how.
7. Moving out, moving back in, moving to the Crack Shack, moving to the apartment, and then moving to the Condomanium.
8. Going through phases- banjos, mountain biking, pool, music, wrestling, high school football, Call of Duty, poker, and painting.
9. Preparing the Burn Concert together, and for you always being a quality musician that is somehow not a flake.

10. Speed biking down the spooky side of Cowles Mountain as fast as we could with JJ and Joel on our heels.

11. Deep sea fishing on my mom's boat with Zayda, and C.J. I think I pouted because everyone else caught something except me.
12. Driving you home from the dentist when you had your wisdom teeth removed and you were speaking in a different language and kept hitting your head against the window so I drove with my arm around you and you were laughing at me, and people driving past us were staring.

. The "Brave and Brains" game with the high school guys, and doing the camping night event at Gary's, where you took the cinnamon challenge and lost. Puke explosion!
14. Being relational idiots, and helping each other through it.
15. Borrego times. Rabbit hunting in the middle of the night. haha.

I'm getting tired, and I should probably save some memories for my best man speech. Which leads me to:

I'm excited for you and Nycole. I know you are young, but more importantly I know what I have seen of your heart. I have seen you pursue Jesus, and not give up following Him when so many our age choose other, easier things. I am convinced you will keep pursuing Him, and will have a God honoring marriage. Nycole is fantastic as well, but I will let Ashlei brag about her. hehe. If you and I are blessed with being daddy's someday, I really hope we live close by each other, and that our kids know each other well.

Okay. I should go to bed now. Happy birthday Asian one. I appreciate the sacrifice and patience it must take to be my friend for 7 years. :)

Paddling

This is something that God has really been showing me lately. Over the past year really.

"It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go – let it die away – go on through that period of death into the interest and happiness that follow – and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. But if you decide to make thrills your regular diet and try to prolong them you will be a poor, disillusioned old man for the rest of your life. It is because so few people understand this that you find many middle-aged men and women maundering about their lost youth, at the very age when new horizons out to be appearing and new doors opening all around them. It is much better fun to learn to swim than to go on endlessly (and hopelessly) trying to get back the feeling you had when you first went paddling as a small boy."

The above quote is an excerpt from a C.S. Lewis book titled "Mere Christianity".

MAN. I love that. It convicts me deeply. I can't help but think of all the times I've started something I couldn't finish. A few people in my life (mostly ex girlfriends, who probably have a little insight) have accused me of being a man who does not commit to anything. Though so many times I've argued against that, I think God's revealed to me that what they said is true.

I'm not going to wait till the very end (partially because I have a lot to say and don't foresee an 'end') to say mention this- Grace. I live my life desperate for it. When I have fallen, or when I have hurt myself and others, I cling to grace much like a nerd to an Xbox controller. I believe that God is just and righteous to forgive us, and Cause us to not to fall into the same traps if we follow Him, confess when we fail, and get back on track. (don't believe me? read Psalm 103:12, 1 John 1:9, Romans 3:24)

But the bigger matter for me currently is the one of being a man with no resolve. Past relationships, ministries, and even life plans have fallen to the wayside because I have been unable to adapt and mature.

When we started our homeless outreach group, my father claimed that I would not be doing it with the same vigor in 6 months. He was wrong. It took me 13 months before the ministry started falling apart.

In both of my "serious relationships" at some point I hit a wall. A wall where I wondered why things felt different, and didn't know how to fix them. In both cases I gave up, became sad and selfish, and pursued things that would be more instantly gratifying, and destroyed something potentially beautiful.

With my life, there have been several opportunities afforded to me, several goals, several priceless friends and countless dreams that did not stand the test of time. I wonder if this is why:

I want what I once had.

I want to feel in love like it was the first time again. I want to experience God with the same intensity that I did when He introduced Himself in my life. I want a job to give me the same sense of satisfaction as when I first started my own business, and financially supported my own life. I want ministry to feel like it did when I got to teach and grow alongside my high school guys of "Man Clan". I reach pathetically and ineffectually towards some sort of heyday that never really was.

I've been paddling, hoping it would feel like the first time.

With any credit for any wisdom being attributed to God, I can say that I am thankful to realize this at such a young age. I have a pool customer, approximately the age of my father, who week after week speaks of his great conquests. from. highschool.

I realize (and if there are areas in your life, I hope you realize as well) that there is no going back. I will never get back what my senses remember as the great first time experiences. But the longer I try, the more I'm missing out on bigger, better things that God has laid out for me. Because really swimming is exceptional in comparison to merely doing the doggy paddle.


So I am determined to work towards the deeper, committed love of God and people, and fully expect God to gift my life with strength and determination to complete His will, and grace to scoop me back up into His arms when I wriggle away. I also fully expect newer, more mature thrills in my life. God, cause me to be a man of substance, and commitment to a cause.


-Your otherwise forever paddling child, Austin

blŏg

The word itself makes me cringe. It rolls off my tongue like a curse word.

I associate it with such things as self absorption, pride, and pointless pontificating.

Having said this, I have read some blogs that are all about the opposite. Encouragement, seeking truth in humility, and challenging others to do the same.
I endeavor to use it for that purpose. If I fail, make mention of it.

Also, I intend to use this as a way to keep me accountable in my walk with God. He shall be the purpose of each and every post. Feel free to publicly question my views. Challenge me, and I will challenge you.

My name is Austin, and now I blog.